


Let you go

by Akee_chan



Series: One shots/Drabbles/Scenes [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bottom Severus Snape, Depressing, Good Severus Snape, Hurt Severus Snape, M/M, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor Character Death, Sad Ending, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Severus Snape Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Being an Asshole, Top Sirius Black, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akee_chan/pseuds/Akee_chan
Summary: Inspired by the song when the party's over of Billie Eilish, the first of the one shots/drabbles/scenes series.Severus arrived at his flat, it was a simple place and it only had the basics because it was what he had been able to pay with his salary as a potions assistant. Overall the place wasn't bad at all and he preferred it to continuing to suffer the abuse of his father in spinners end, there was only one thing that was really missing in that place and that was company, he tried to convince himself it was ok like this just like he was used but the place was so quiet arriving with only him there...
Relationships: Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Series: One shots/Drabbles/Scenes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186520
Comments: 29
Kudos: 54





	Let you go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reader4books](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reader4books/gifts), [ThePhoenixandTheDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePhoenixandTheDragon/gifts), [Alma_Rohe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alma_Rohe/gifts), [1000PaperCranes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000PaperCranes/gifts), [ploytatchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ploytatchi/gifts), [Esliesma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esliesma/gifts), [ImTooTiredForThisUserNameShit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImTooTiredForThisUserNameShit/gifts), [Trickster32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster32/gifts), [PiffyEQ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiffyEQ/gifts), [Lizzybeth74](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzybeth74/gifts), [Spemmamason](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spemmamason/gifts), [elaine314hk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine314hk/gifts), [Komodo_Butterfly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Komodo_Butterfly/gifts), [KruRid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KruRid/gifts), [Aeriaqwein57](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeriaqwein57/gifts), [Sasha_Aidoneus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasha_Aidoneus/gifts), [Gloriosasuperba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloriosasuperba/gifts), [whatismyname_idk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatismyname_idk/gifts), [taekhim90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekhim90/gifts), [Seevee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seevee/gifts), [Tonya471](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonya471/gifts), [lunedesaphyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunedesaphyr/gifts), [kyrie2223](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrie2223/gifts), [Brizzle04](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brizzle04/gifts), [Sliverangel99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sliverangel99/gifts), [Glowstar826](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glowstar826/gifts), [NoviceWriter1888](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoviceWriter1888/gifts), [Taneisha_189](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taneisha_189/gifts), [NiWings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiWings/gifts), [nerdsirius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdsirius/gifts), [Heartnet009](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartnet009/gifts), [Anixara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anixara/gifts), [SouthernLolita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/gifts), [lostindetails](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostindetails/gifts), [Rosemary_weasley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosemary_weasley/gifts), [AddieT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddieT/gifts), [timbuktu2565](https://archiveofourown.org/users/timbuktu2565/gifts), [Tefe203](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tefe203/gifts), [ValAbM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValAbM/gifts), [MissAmande](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAmande/gifts), [Aylinmars28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aylinmars28/gifts), [Elizahq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elizahq/gifts).



> Hello to everyone first of all I want to give everyone a huge apologize for my inactivity, I had to start a new job due to the pandemic which is very hard to cope with and with my depression and anxiety it's been really hard to keep myself going. I haven't abandoned my stories they will be continued but I need a bit of time to adjust save me from myself, I'm currently going over the first chapters to try to improve them before updating new chapters, I'm taking on account all of your encouraging and awesome comments to work on the story so I hope soon there will be done. For now I hope you enjoy this works I'll be adding, mind you most are not very happy, after all I have been doing them in the middle of some bad days. I'm sorry in advance if it makes you sad.

Severus arrived at his flat, it was a simple place and it only had the basics because it was what he had been able to pay with his salary as a potions assistant, he still hadn't finished his master's degree and for now most of his salary was spent on ingredients to practice the potions he would be working with. Overall the place wasn't bad at all and he preferred it to continuing to suffer the abuse of his father in the spinners end house, there was only one thing that was really missing in that place and that was company, he tried to convince himself it was ok like this just like he was used but the place was so quiet arriving with only him there...

He sighed deeply as he took off his coat and walked to the kitchen to prepare something light for dinner. The worst thing about it was that there was one person who could have filled that loneliness but unfortunately like everything else in his life it wasn't that easy. He always said he wasn't ready for people to find out about their relationship and so they had agreed to meet at intermediate places away from each other's homes. Severus had agreed to this as he had initially understood that it was difficult for the animagus to tell his lifelong friends that his nemesis had suddenly become his lover and he had decided to support him while he found the right moment but...

The reality was that even though Severus told himself that he was fine with how they were, he couldn't help but feel hurt by it, it had been three years since their romance began and they were still sneaking like criminals on the run from the aurors, how ironic that his boyfriend was studying to become one. The black-haired boy took a couple of toasts and put jam on them, his gaze suddenly lost itself in the redness as he remembered when he had met Sirius, they had met in a muggle town several kilometres away from there as always they had had to walk together but without being able to hold hands or have any contact until they reached their destination, this to avoid scandals that somehow could reach the Gryffindor's friends.

They entered a cafeteria and ordered lunch while Sirius looked around making sure they had privacy, Severus cast the spell he created so that no one could overhear their conversation and Sirius put one on to repel any curious onlookers from approaching, Once they were safe Sirius finally let his body relax as he asked his boyfriend how his week had gone, Severus shifted a little uncomfortably and tried to focus on enjoying the moment, Severus told him about the progress he had made on his latest project and what he had learned from his teacher that he hoped he would soon be able to practice. The black-haired boy was beginning to gain confidence and to detail his activities when he noticed the other's bored grimace.

That sort of thing made him wonder how they had ended up as a couple in the first place, they were both quite different and it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to look on the bright side of being with the other... Severus cut his story short and decided to find a different topic that perhaps they could both enjoy but the animagus seemed more distracted than usual and even a little restless. Severus wasn't someone known for being subtle so he decided to ask directly if anything had made the other uncomfortable, Sirius let out a nervous chuckle and began to fiddle with his napkin.

"Sev I know I told you we would spend the whole day together but you see something came up with the boys and well you know how James is I practically didn't have a chance to refuse, I promise I'll make it up to you." 

The potioneer didn't know what to say for a moment, he was now sure Sirius didn't even remember that this day was their anniversary. Severus swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and tried to smile but failed miserably, he knew that he wasn't a priority for the other it wasn't the first time he had cancelled on him to go with his friends but this time it had really hurt. Severus had made several arrangements with his profesor, even covering overtime for two weeks so that he could have that day off specifically and he had even dressed up a little more than usual, wearing his best shirt and the newest trousers he had, not to mention the gift that was currently residing in his pocket that he had saved up months for.

He undid the braid he had made in his hair letting his hair cover his face to try to hide how hurt he felt and taking a couple of breaths he finally answered. -"Umm and can't you be a little late over there? Maybe we could go see a movie at least..." The animagus frowned contemplatively then turned slightly avoiding the other's gaze.

"I'm sorry Sev I promised James I'd help him get everything ready you know go buy stuff and we're on in half an hour so...?" Severus again felt that tightness in his chest and drank some tea to try and calm the turmoil inside him. - "I-I see..." -murmured the Slytherin. Honestly at this point he didn't even know if it was worth trying but he still plucked up some courage and asked, "What if I go too? I-I mean you can call me your friend if you want to, just you know so we can at least be together for a bit longer..." 

Sirius tensed and furrowed his brow even more. - "You know I don't feel ready yet, right? I just don't think it's a good idea you know? It's not just a party anyway it's an important day for James and well I wouldn't want to, you know, cause awkwardness. Besides, how would I explain that we're friends overnight let alone close enough to invite you?" 

"Fine, I get it but then when? When will you be ready? I know you're afraid they'll be upset with you but they're your friends, aren't they? Eventually they'll accept it and I'm not even asking for you to introduce me as your boyfriend but could you at least consider us going out hogsmade together as friends or something?" At this point Severus was already showing his desperation which was unusual for him who usually kept his emotions under tight control, he understood the other's fears, while he had nothing to lose if their relationship was known Sirius could at least have some dispute with his friends especially with the one who was almost his brother, but Severus' patience and understanding was getting thinner and he was beginning to question the future of the relationship.

Sirius looked down and bit his lip slightly. "I just need more time, okay? I don't want to argue now I have to leave soon and I was hoping we at least enjoyed lunch together." At that Severus had to press his fists tightly under the table to calm himself. It was always the same and frankly he was at his limit. Severus took his wallet and left the money for what he had consumed on the table, he hesitated for a moment but finally decided to give the gift to the other at the end he had bought it for him and the potionist had no use for it. 

With a discreet movement he enlarged the box and placed it in front of the Gryffindor before muttering "I hope they fit you.... See you later." Severus didn't wait for a response and removed the muffilato and then quickly walked out of the cafeteria into the nearby alleyway and appeared outside. The animagus was completely dumbfounded for a moment not understanding what had happened until finally with slightly trembling hands he took the small note attached to the bow of the gift and read in sophisticated calligraphy *Happy third anniversary Siri* The wizard took the box in his hands and ran outside but it was too late, there was no sign of the other. He pressed the box to his chest and promised himself that he would make it all better, but for now his friend was waiting for him.

Severus appeared in the one place where he knew he could find some solace and perhaps an answer to his situation. He walked down the familiar path that had been a constant in his childhood and entered the place where he was born. He followed his path for several minutes until he finally reached the place he was looking for, right in front of him was the town cemetery and a few meters away his mother. When he was finally in front of her he ran his fingers across the cold rock of the tombstone carefully tracing his mother's name. After a moment he let himself fall to the ground without caring if he soiled his clothes and there in the silence of the cemetery he let fall the tears he had been holding back.

"Mother... What should I do? I miss you so much..." Severus didn't know how many hours he spent unloading all his sorrows and pains in front of his mother but when he finally managed to calm his crying he noticed that it had already started to get dark all around, strangely Severus didn't feel cold despite the wind blowing nearby and at that moment the black-haired man felt as warm as in his mother's arms, a small smile lit up his tired face and finally he decided to go home for now. He said goodbye to his mother leaving her favourite flowers in front of the tombstone and promising to come back soon. 

The potioneer decided to take one last walk before going home and so he started to walk around what not long ago was his residence, he even passed by Tobias' house seeing the lights off, surely the man was in some bar drinking until he lost himself, for a moment he contemplated entering the place but quickly decided against it, there was nothing in that place that was important to him anymore, when he had escaped he had taken all his and his mother's belongings with him. He looked again at the neglected house and finally came to a resolution. With his mind clear and the decision finally made he left the place and appeared in his flat. The place was quiet and he was alone. 

Severus turned his mind back from what had happened a few hours ago and finished his dinner and took it with him to his room. He picked up a book and began to flip through it but his eyes quickly drifted to the black notebook in front of his desk, he knew he should do what was best but that didn't took away from how difficult and painful it was. Severus took his ink and pen and opened the notebook, the sight of it empty only served to reinforce his decision. The words soon began to pour out one after the other and before he knew it, it was done. A couple of tears ran down his cheeks but the potioneer was determined and the sooner he did it the better. 

He closed the notebook in which he had summoned the other to end their three-year relationship. Nothing is better sometimes than letting himself be hurt and that was just what he had remembered that day, his mother had made that mistake, choosing her husband above her own health but he wasn't going to let someone he loved hurt him. Maybe Sirius didn't hurt him physically anymore but he did hurt him and it was just as painful and it also left marks even if no one could see them. He knew Sirius wouldn't make it easy for him but it was time for them to let go and move on with their lives, he had held on too long to something that was destined to fail from the start. Severus knew he was no good for Sirius, even if the Gryffindor knew his history and had said he didn't mind, he was still very damaged and couldn't take anymore. He knew Sirius wasn't good for him either. He needed to let him go for good and that will finally set them free.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to use the idea if you wish to inspire you for your own story but do show it to me, I'd love to know if someone decided to use it. 
> 
> Soon I'll see you all with another story (most if not all of this are inspired on songs).
> 
> Love you all and I'm grateful for any comments you decide to leave and of course any advice to improve is also welcomed.
> 
> Pd: if I missed any of my usual readers on the gift tag please feel free to let me know so I can include you.


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